Turning Your Pain Into Your Purpose

The best gift that my coach ever gave me was that she saw the best in me when it felt like no-one else did, and when I couldn’t see it in myself.

Throughout my life, I’ve experienced a lot of pain… and the worst of all the pain which I have ever experienced is the pain of not being seen for who I really am.

In third grade, I was bullied by everyone in my class for the reason I still do not know to this day. I just remember feeling so worthless, and misunderstood. I felt like no-one really knew who I was, and yet they were bullying me through the worst & false lenses of who they thought I were. This was one of the deepest childhood traumas in my book.

This was a pain that turned into my purpose as a coach now, and throughout my young adult years on my path — empowering others to find their voice, their truth, their own sense of identity in life.

All because I didn’t have mine growing up. I didn’t have the strength or confidence to stand up for myself. I hid behind the curtains hoping no-one would see me. I was so afraid of being seen, and of speaking up that I never did. I had no boundaries. I lost my sense of identity through major people-pleasing survival coping mechanism. I was so disconnected from myself.

It took me all of my teenage years, and early 20’s to rediscovered who I am at the core. To heal the opened wounds of this trauma. The more I lean compassionately into the pain of my past, the deeper the layers of my purpose reveal to me.

Recently, another painful life experience uncovered another layer of this purpose for me.

In January, my boyfriend left the monastery as a monk to be in a relationship with me. And at the time, I was harshly criticized, and slut-shamed by the spiritual community that he was a part of. I don’t blame them, or even feel a remote sense of anger at them anymore. I can understand their pain better now. But in January, I couldn’t. I was in deep rage, and pain myself.

This incident broke me into pieces because I had put so much trust, and love to the people in that community. It felt like a deep betrayal to me, and at worst, I felt like I once again wasn’t truly seen for who I am, and my heart. In addition, I had just begun my path as a spiritual coach at this time, and so this event had me deeply questioning my own sanity and ability as to what I was doing in life…

I am writing this post now in May of 2022, to say that after 4 months of processing this pain through shock, denial, anger, and grief, I have now uncovered a deeper layer of my purpose in this world. And that is to be the coach, the teacher, the leader who sees the best in others, when no-one else does, and especially when they cannot see it in themselves.

The reason for this is because I felt how painful it was when someone saw the worst in me. When I was a child, and this recent incident now. It’s something that I would NOT want to cause another.

In this dark tunnel, I remembered THE ONE PERSON who was in her heart, so devoted to see the best in me, and how significant the impact she had left on my heart. She was the light that shined on my path, guiding my way home.

In the deepest of this darkness, my coach, Betty, was the one who saw the best in me. She saw the gifts, and strengths in me when I couldn’t see it in myself. When I had doubted myself immensely. And when I felt like no-one else could see the good in me. Betty was the one who had made a difference in my life because she saw the best in me.

And so, the GREATEST GIFT that I ever received was being seen for the best in me by another, in the darkest moments when I couldn’t see it in myself.

Through the pain, I uncovered my deeper layer of purpose as a human being on this Earth. And I vowed to myself, that from now on, my purpose as a coach, a teacher, and a leader is to see the BEST in people, even when no-one else can, and especially when they cannot see it in themselves. Because I truly believe that this is the greatest gift I can gift to another, as it was given to me by my own coach.

Your deepest pain can turn into your most meaningful purpose in life.

So here is where I turn the pages back to you — what has been your deepest pain? And what are you choosing now to turn it into your path of purpose?