Follow Your Soul Calling
As I am writing this post, I am being brought back to the memory of my meditation retreat in Thailand in 2019. Last night, when I was meditating, this memory came up. Each time that it does, I feel a sense of awe towards my own heart. A tender feeling. A soft holding. Tears of reminiscence, joy, and gratitude for my younger self.
In my vision, I took myself back to the meditation hall where the younger version of me was sitting in silence. In the middle of the jungle, far from the city. No cell phone, no talking, no family or friends. Sitting in silence. Hour by hour, through the days. Connecting with herself. I came back and thanked her for choosing to walk her own path in life. Because of her decision, I am where I am today. Feeling anchored, strong, and stable in my own roots more than ever.
I am being brought back to that memory because at that time, I chose something brave. I chose to walk away from the path of school and traditional career in order to travel and discover the soul. It did not feel easy at that time. I remember before my trip, I called up friends, talked to them for hours, trying to put senses into myself that I wasn’t doing something crazy. That I wasn’t lost… But really, I felt crazy, stupid and lost.
When I look back, the dots connect, things make sense. At that time, my reason for leaving was to discover and understand myself. In this present moment, I can see that that experience deepened my skillset as a meditation facilitator and spiritual coach for those who come into my world now, seeking transformation. I didn’t just do it for me. I did it for everyone around me, people whom I have yet to meet. At the time, I had no idea.
At each stage in my life, I hear my soul calling, nudging me to go to places to grow. These choices often present themselves in ways that make me feel again, crazy, stupid and lost. However, not because I have no sense of direction. Lost because I am choosing to, often, walk away from traditional pathways. Sometimes, I feel like Aang in The Last Airbender, supposed to do something big in the world, but not knowing what I am doing. Do you feel me?
“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail” — Ralph Waldo Emerson.
I often think about the version of me at 80 years old. Meeting her in my meditation. I call her, Wisdom. I often conversate with her about how she would want me to live my life, make decisions, and leap into the unknown. Her hair, white. Her skin, wrinkled in age. Her eyes, deep and compassionate with a full understanding of my soul journey. She’d meet me as often as I call for her. Her answer, usually,
“follow your heart”.
I’d reply, “But my heart scares me. My heart does not make sense.”
“I know” — she’d say.
“What if I make a mistake? What if I fail…” — my voice’d shake…
“In the eye of the Universe, there is no mistake. No failure. All is growth and evolution. Go, my darling. Do what you need to do. I will be here when you need me. When you fall, when you find yourself in the trenches, when you cry in silence, when your pain feels too big to carry alone. You’ll find me here, sitting on this rock, waiting for you” — her voice’d soften.
I often meet her in the forest, where her Spirit resides. We often sit on a large rock, under the blue sky. On my left shoulder, the forest. On my right shoulder, the ocean. I meet her in nature. I follow her guidance in quiet contemplation and often with a great amount of fear and resistance that I often don’t show. Yet, they’re there. Yet, I follow the calling, anyway.
I am writing this to share with you that no matter how much fear or courage it takes, I hope you choose to follow your soul calling. Follow the path. Do it for you, for all of us.
